2012 05 02

I just got back from Seoul last Saturday, and already, I cannot wait to go back (in October)! The next time I will be going with two of my younger sisters, Katie and Jadie. I’m excited as hell, almost three weeks in the land of the morning calm! 

I can hear my lola going, “Try another country~” Haha ^^

Now in between, what should I do? I’m determined to veer away from local fandom culture, and focus on looking for work. I am not entirely sure when I’ll be leaving. My family’s moving places, and Mom and Dad are quite busy fixing stuff.  So until everything is settled, I can’t go. 

LA? NY? Those are my two options. I was so set on going to New York — I have never been there, and it’s always been on my list of places to go to. But right now I am not quite ready for a huuuuge change. A mix of change and familiarity would be just what I need, in short, Los Angeles. :))) I’m prolly going to miss SMTown though, but I could care less at this point. Haha. (Okay also because there are no more floor/pool tickets, so what’s the point of watching if I’ll only be able to see HoMin in dots, right; ) 

For now, fixing myself, fixing my life, my priorities. I can do thissss! 

I’m excited. I can’t wait to leave and travel and then come back and then travel again. Haha~ (And maybe after a bit of that, I will study again. It’s never too late to go back to school~) 


Countless pieces…

Countless pieces of myself… I have been scattering them on different journals. I wish I could keep just one, and write everything there, but then for some reason, I don’t feel comfortable.

More private thoughts, I leave on my Livejournal. The lighter ones, are posted on candy-sky.com. And thoughts which I come in between, I post here, and everywhere else — my Minihompy or Naver. Long gone were the days when I kept everything in one place, and didn’t give a single care as to whom its accessible to.

It is getting burdensome. Why can’t I stick to just one, and not be bothered? Why does it bother me anyway?

= |

My own horcruxes.

가사 | In Heaven – JaeChunSu

In Heaven – JCS (작사:김재중   작곡:김재중   편곡:김재중/BJD/MDS)

그만 갈게
곧 돌아올 거야 그러니까…
거짓말, 거짓말
아니야 내가 널 이만큼 사랑하는데…
그 사랑 지금 보여줄 순 없겠니?
또 다시 사랑할 순 없겠니…지금와선 말할 수가 없어
너의 기적 그 모든게 환상 같아
마지막 니 모습 속
서서히 기억 속에만 잠겨져 가는 것만 같아
어딘가에서 날 보고 있을까
후회해도 늦어버려 볼 수 없어
추억의 그림자의 촉촉한 내 눈물들로 그 자릴 지켜보고 있어그 말 못해 정말 못해 니가 내 옆에 있을 때만큼
미안한데 그게 안돼 이젠 모든게 떨려와
조금 더 기다리다 꿈속을 헤메이다
결국 니 안에서 눈을 감을까봐가지마 더 가지마 내 곁에 있어줄 수는 없니
거짓말 다 거짓말 전혀 들리지가 않아
사랑해 널 사랑해 한마디 보여줄 수는 없니
사랑해 널 사랑해 또 다시 사랑해 주겠니벌써 이렇게도 지나 왔어
너의 흔적 찾아봐도 지워졌어
마지막 니 기억도 눈물의 태엽속으로 잠겨져 가는 것만 같아이만 끝내 나를 끝내 니가 내 옆에 있지않다면
미안한데 이만 갈게 이제 너의 길을 따라
끝없는 길을 따라 널 찾아 헤메이다
결국 너를 잃고서 슬퍼만 할까봐가지마 더 가지마 내 곁에 있어줄 수는 없니

거짓말 다 거짓말 전혀 들리지가 않아
사랑해 널 사랑해 한마디 보여줄 수는 없니
사랑해 널 사랑해 또 다시 사랑해 주겠니가지마 가지마 있어줄 수 있니
거짓말 거짓말 들리지가 않아
사랑해 사랑해 보여줄 수 있니
사랑해 사랑해 사랑해 주겠니
가지마 가지마 있어줄 수 있니
거짓말 거짓말 들리지가 않아
사랑해 사랑해 보여줄 수 있니
제발 돌아와줘가지마 더 가지마 내 곁에 있어줄 수는 없니
거짓말 다 거짓말 전혀 들리지가 않아
사랑해 널 사랑해 한마디 보여줄 수는 없니
사랑해 널 사랑해 또 다시 사랑해 주겠니


We’re taking it step by step

But already I can feel a part of the pain we will be going through in months to come.

In my head, this is for the boys, for the boys, for the boys, and those amazing and wonderful people who’ve been patiently waiting.

One day, I would like to be able to stand with everyone, watching the people we love most. It’s going to entail a lot of hardwork, a lot of resources, a lot of time. It’s going to cost so much financially, emotionally… But I know in my heart everything will  be worth it.


“Whatever they say, I don’t care, I love you”

One of the lines from the lyrics of Whatever They Say by TVXQ.

I will live by this until the very end, supporting all five members. FIVE MEMBERS.

Cassiopeia was made for those five members. No matter where they are, they will always be those five stars that make up that constellation, Cassiopeia. Remember this, always.